2002 Paper Street Cinema Awards  By Greg Douglass

      

The Best Film of the year...
 Best Album: Beck's Sea Change
       Best TV: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV best of up soon)
Best DVD, TV: Buffy Seasons 2 and 3
Best DVD, Movie: Mulholland Dr.
Best Game: Dark Forces II + Vice City
Best Novel: Rice's Blackwood Farm and Foer's Everything is Illuminated
- First Draft posted on 1/26/2003
Back to homepage

PSC's Vice Movie Man: Ravin Soni

1. The Two Towers
2.  Signs
3.  Monsoon Wedding
4.  Y Tu Mamá...
5.  Brotherhood of Wolf
6.  S1m0ne
7.  Panic Room
8.  The Ring
9.  Minority Report
10. Changing Lanes

Esther’s Best

1. Y Tu Mamá...
2. Adaptation
3.The Believer/Pianist
4. Chicago
5. The Two Towers
6. Punch Drunk
7. The Hours
8. Far From Heaven
9. 8 Mile
10. About a Boy
 Worst: Crossroads

 

Chris Petersen  

1. The Two Towers
2. Star Wars II
3. Harry Potter II
4. Signs
5. Panic Room
6. The Ring
7. Bourne Identity
8.  Austin Powers3
9. Big Fat Greek...
10. Blade II

 

 Mama Douglass

1. Far From Heaven
2.  About Schmidt
3.  The Two Towers
4.  13 Conversations...
5.  Monsoon Wedding
6.  About A Boy
7.  Unfaithful
8.  Changing Lanes
9.  Minority Repot
10.Signs 
Worst: Crossroads

 

Ravin's Worst

1. Spiderman (D)
2. Swimfan (F)
3. Resident Evil (F)
4. Enough (F)
5. Spirited Away (F)
6. The Transporter (D)
7. Die Another Day  (C-)
8. MIB 2 (D+)
9. Showtime (C-)
10. XXX/ Half Past Dead

Jen Sorge

1.The Two Towers
2. Harry Potter II
3. My Big Fat Greek...
4. Star Wars II
5. Ice Age

 Dawn Fite

1. The Two Towers
2. Bourne Identity
3. Star Wars II
4. Count of MC
5. Catch Me if...

 Adele Delisi's

1. Adaptation
2. Invincible, The Pianist, Max and Grey Zone
3.Storytelling
4. Rabbit-Proof Fence
5. Gathering Storm (TV)
6. Talk to Her
7. Panic Room
8.Spirited Away
9. About a Boy
10. The Two Towers

 Miguel Ramirez 1)Spider-Man  
 2)Chicago   
3) My Big Fat   
4)Y tu Mama
5)Two Towers
6)Rabbit Proof Fence
7) Hable con Ella
8) Das Experiment
9) Nicholas Nickleby
10) The Ring

WORST
1) Star Wars: Ep. II
2) Men in Black II

 Andrew Reiter
1) Punch Drunk Love
2) Simone
3) Two Towers
4) Lagaan
5) Adaptation
6) Gangs of New York
7) About Schmidt
8) Harry Potter II
9) About a Boy
10) AKA the Gay pick  Sweet Home Alabama/ 40 Days and 40 Nights / The Sweetest Thing (Only the DVD version with the penis song)

 


      1. Spirited Away  Directed by Hayo Miyazaki
You've really got to see this movie. "Spirited Away" is not only one of the best children's stories ever crafted (second only to Miyazaki's "Kiki's Delivery Service") but it is a film that takes the simple fairy tale premise of a timid girl going traveling to land of the spirits to save parents that have been turned into pigs, and with that narrative template creates an animated world so vivid and fantastical that I could hardly contain my joy when I saw how all the story's components played out to complete perfection. Miyazaki has created a sprawling dream world that no film, including "Wizard of Oz," has ever dared to evoke. With it's surreal architecture, exotic landscapes, Buddhist mysticism and wonderfully strange spirit creatures that roam this films canvas this colossal adventure knows no limits and simply could not have been executed in a live action setting. That being said, you could call "Spirited Away" a worthy modern version of Alice in Wonderland for it is an animated film that lifts it's audience up up and away to a place where anything can and does happen. I never thought I would connect with a film about a ten-year-old Japanese girl struggling to overcome her insecurities and doing so through human empathy and crafty problem solving, but I did and many others can to if they just give this tasty little fable a chance. Director Hayo Miasaki has proven himself to be the master of animated storytelling (after "Princess Mononoke" even Disney animators had to bow-down to the man's artistic singularity and "Toy Story" director John Lassiter oversaw this films American release) but with this unconditional masterwork he does one better by proving himself to be the preemptive purveyor of imagination in modern cinema. Oh, sorry, since that word has been absent from our lexicon for so long and since I've been stripped of one I should ask Webster to define it for us. Imagination (noun): The act or power of creating new ideas by combining previous experiences.

2. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers  
 Directed by Peter Jackson
I was floored when I realized that "Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers" was just about the best films of the year. The moment came late in the film when Gandalf the Whitey and his Teutonic looking posse appeared, with that ethereal light following them, on horseback to thwart the enemy invaders just when all had seemed lost for the fellowship. Well, as many former Hobbit naysayer realized along with me, all was not lost for the fellowship for this film's supreme quality galloped alongside Gandalf to save the day. I still stand by my opinion that the first Rings was a "monumental waist of time" and logically went into "The Two Towers" skeptical of Jackson's ability to tell a coherent story with a beginning, middle, and end. I was wrong. Not only was "The Two Towers" better than it's predecessor but it is a film that surpasses it in every way by offering up a complete world with purpose driving the narrative. An epic fantasy worthy to be mentioned in the same breath as Kurosawa's "Ran" and Lean's "Lawrence of Arabia." As this middle chapter unfolded I sat there, lost to the world, eyes glazed in wonder as I experienced a rare kind of cinematic ecstasy. To a film geek like me "The Two Towers" can only be compared to three hour orgasm with an afterglow that has yet to wear off, and probably won't dissipate till "Return of the King" is released. I would say this film is a must see except everybody's already seen it so I'm saying that this is a must see... again. 

3. Far From Heaven  Directed by Todd Haynes
We may never again see a melodramatic throwback as rich and rewarding  as this year's gleaming "Far From Heaven." Wherever David Lynch was when he saw this film he must have shed a tear when he saw this sublime homage to an era where things were, at once, more simple and more sinister. Julian Moore stars as a myopic 50's housewife who lives in a fantasy world where everything is perfect and spotless and throughout the course of the film watch how her delusions get stripped away until, by the end, she is left with the cold hard realization that the world is a damn intolerant place if your not white or male. By the end, we too see the darker side of this not-so-picturesque American society. Moore clearly gives the best performance female of the year but the supporting cast is equally up to task. Quaid disserves an Oscar as the secretly gay husband, Dennis Haysbert is perfectly cast as Moore's gentle "negro lover" and Patricia Clarkson finds some nice moments as her fastidious friend (doing a fine job of representing the close minded, anti-gay anti-black, society of the times). On its own terms one could argue that this film means nothing because it's a full-on pastiche project that exists to pay homage to Douglas Sirk's 1960's weepies. Todd Haynes, the ever-ironic director is a master stylist who takes an era of filmmaking and makes it as modern (and PC) as possible without loosing a shred of it's essence. His postmodern brand of old-Hollywood-made-new-made-old-again marks the cinematic best experiment since Figgis' gave us "Time Code." This film is, in a way, just about perfect... closer to heaven than the title would indicate.

4. Punch-Drunk Love  Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson
Adam Sandler may have reverted to his mulishly unfunny ways with "8 Crazy Nights" and last summer's "Mr. Deeds" but with this film he proved he could, without a doubt, be considered one of America's best actors... if he wanted to (if being the operative word here). And PT Anderson proved he could make a concise 90 minute film that still bears his glimmering auteur signature and heartwarming weirdness. Simply put, this is a bravura piece of slightly abstract filmmaking that covers the usual territory in the most unusual and abstract of ways. It is a love story, yes, but more than that it is a film about a fear. A film about a disconnected guy who finds sanity through the company of another-- this character and Spirited Away's Chihiro are eerily similar in their social insecurities and consequential 11th hour salvation.
Conceding that Sandler has given the best performance of the year does not come easily to me. Last year I had to acknowledge that a pretentious director I once loathed, David Lynch, created what was far and away the best picture of the year and this year I meet with the equally daunting duty of admitting that Sandler contains the seeds of brilliance somewhere under that idiotic grin and annoying baby voice. And even if the "actor" never appears in a "real" film again, I am eternally amused that "Punch-Drunk Love" is his fuck you to the world of critics. It's as if the man's saying "see, I can do this if I want to now leave me alone."

5. The Pianist  Directed by Roman Polanski
 Just as Nazi soldiers were monsters, a few were compassionate victims of circumstances; just as the Jews of Warsaw can (and should) be seen in a heroic light, a few were selfish people doing anything they could to survive. Notions like this keep "The Piano" intellectually stimulating while other moments (every single second Adrian Brody was on screen) speak directly to our emotions. Polanski may have delivered his best work to date and he does so by giving us a holocaust picture that narrows its sights and focuses on one man's survival as he journeys through madness to beats the odds. This is a film comprised of small, miraculous moments. Moments that stick out. Moments of shocking brutality and touching humanity. Moments that, best of all, don't beg for our attention. Indeed, the film is replete with humble and lyrical moments that speak softly yet resonate more loudly and deeply than any film I've seen all year.

6. Changing Lanes  Directed by Roger Mitchell
Changing Lanes is a caustic morality tale for the new millennium. From right out of the gate the film throws you into a world where themes of big city rage and silent fear play out their cosmic course and dance around the screen for exhausting two hors. But this is not "Falling Down." The material is not all pessimistic and perhaps that the films only shortcoming... you see, amidst all the vicious suit and tie, Spy vs. Spy maneuvering there exists a glimmer of hope for all of mankind. A chance for redemption. Heavy handed, granted, but watch this film to see how big issues are brought down to human levels thanks to two extraordinary performers and one thoughtful director. Affleck and Jackson play two everymen who are pitted against each other one day on the freeway. The notion that a simple faux pas (Affleck doesn't give Jackson a ride after the car accident) escalates into a bloody (and ultimately empty) need for revenge makes for a stirring time at the movies. Regardless of whether the two meet by fate or chance they end up at each others throats not because they hate each other but because they are oppressed agents of a cutthroat culture. Normal guys who have both reached their boiling point at the same time and the same place. Director Roger Mitchell goes for the juggler by backing up the notion that behind the edict and artifice of our "civil" urban zeitgeist there exists fathomless amount of repressed rage (something Nicholson's character in "About Schmidt" was also about). That we like and can sympathize with both characters is the films ultimate triumph.

7. Adaptation  Directed by Spike Jonze
Mini review: The tagline reads “From the creators of 'Being John Malkocivh' comes a story about the creator of 'Being John Malkovich.'” Going into this "comedy" I expected a rollercoaster ride of metacinematic oddities and wasn't disappointed in the least. "Adaptation" is one of the most knowingly absurd and blatantly self-bemused films I’ve ever seen. Here is a playful tale about writer's block that never wants you to forget that you're just watching a movie but at the same time this is a film that takes the same melodramatic indulges as a film like "The Hours" did. A post-postmodern work of absurd comic profundities whose warped discourse exists somewhere in that nexus between dramatic formalism and a director/writer's onscreen masturbation session.... like the slovenly brilliant main character, a walking contradiction but like that character, a film so unequivocally canny that nobody can detect faults that are so obviously there (i.e. the painfully self-aware and down right obtuse third act, or day-o-now-ment as Charlie’s dilettante twin bro put it, where all the characters’ arcs ended up being purposely shot to hell). But here's the catch, the fact that "Adaptation" is too smart for its own good would be a valid criticism if director Spike Jonze and screenwriter Charlie Kaufman  weren't so hyperaware of that fact (the writer puts himself in as the main character who is played brilliantly by Nick Cage, an actor who, like Jeremy Irons in "Dead Ringers," manages to find perfect chemistry with... himself?! Cage not only deserves a best actor nomination but best supporting actor nomination for his portrayal of the dim witted Donald Kaufman). So in the tradition of Fellini’s self-critical “8½” and Altman's "The Player," the wiseass "Adaptation" filmmakers make the movie’s faults a part of the movie’s text and in the process deliver a frenzied romp that film geeks could bust a nut on.   
Grade: A-

PS: I couldn’t believe what this film was showing me and, like "Being John Malkovich," never (ever!) knew where it would take me next. Besides some characters truing evil on us and others dying out of the blue, when a film opens with Cage’s Kaufman showing us his birthplace as it existed billions of years ago you know your watching a something that's not beholden to the usual conventions of Hollywood cinema.

8. Y Tu Mama Tambien  Directed by Alfonso Cuaron
If it weren't for a few minor quibbles (the arch voice-over narration) I would agree that this coming of age (more like cum-ing of age) story was, technically speaking, the best thing released in 02. The narrative is spotless the visuals are lush and the emotions tap into a feeling of young sexuality that is anything but gratuitous. This is a refreshingly honest film. Gael García Bernal, Diego Luna, and Maribel Verdú take the exhausted rode trip full of discoveries genre and breath exciting new life into it. These three characters provide the year's second best love triangle, the first being Angel, Conner and Cor... I'll shut up now.

9. Thirteen Conversations about One Thing  Directed by Jill Spracher
Fate smiles on us. This film takes that interwoven character ensemble  cliché that we've come to expect in a post-Tarantino world and does something miraculous with it. By hitting upon a superb stylistic bricolage of "Magnolia" and all things Altman, this cautious drama contains bursts of glaringly brilliant visual poetry. And no, I'm not talking about the equally loopy "The Hours" or "Possession," I speak of the indie masterpiece "13 Conversations About One Thing," a near magical film experience that imposes a God's-eye-view into the lives of characters who humbly search for answers in a world where none may exist. As these wildly different personality types go through this sometimes internal/sometimes external odyssey (watch how all these cleverly written characters change before your eyes!) we follow in absolute enthrallment... even when nothing's really happening. Example: A crabby business man (Arkin), hell-bent on ruining other peoples happiness because it masks his sadness meets a cocky but noble criminal prosecutor (Matthew McConaughey) in a bar one night; the lawyer and man speak some philosophy then the lawyer drives home drunk and comes face to face with his duplicitous morality after hitting a girl with his car; a girl we later realize to be etc... With a heavy notion like fate looming over our heads "13 Conversations..." could have been as rank as "Pay It Forward" but is instead more akin to a modern Greek tragedy. Set in thirteen vignettes, this story achieves something that few others movies have or ever will; it allows you to see the world differently.

10. Panic Room  Directed by David Fincher
 The premise of this film is so robust from a B-movie standpoint that you would be hard pressed to find a more seamless $100 million dollar thriller released in 2002. This film dashes towards escapism greatness while existing in complete darkness. As with Fincher's "The Game," this is the movie Hitchcock would have made and if the fat man didn't make it he would have at least loved watching it. So with this superbly crafted home invasion yearn David Fincher proves his status as the best working director in American and he does so by pulling back from his usual outré pretensions and focusing on an isolated story about a mother and daughter trapped in a house with three foolish but terrifying burglars. Forster takes this role and  finds a way of blending single mother variability with gritty female toughness, so take that J Lo's "Enough." Normally I don't remember these kinds of films a week after I see them but this Forster's performance in this tenaciously memorable film has stayed in my mind for almost a full year later and so I couldn't conceive of making a top ten list without giving this critically underrated gem a shout-out. And, sure, the film doesn't hold up after repeated viewings on the small screen and, of course, this is not one of Fincher's best efforts but (A) it's not supposed to hold up like "Fight Club" has and (B) Fincher couldn't have been interested in outdoing his previous masterpieces. The reason: For the fist time in his career I get the feeling that Fincher wants to watch his audience to have fun --yes, fun-- at a Fincher movie. Besides, how could anyone find flaws with this film when they saw it for the first time in the dark, sitting in front of the theater screen with clenched fists and bated breath. 

11. Solaris
Steven Soderbergh has just made the best ever sci-fi indie and nobody cares. That the film arrived DOA into theaters is the only predictable thing about this enigmatic little Hollywood adaptation. The rest is inspired genus. The film failed to connect most certainly because the director was so blasé about the sci-fi elements and so much more interested in the human drama that occurs while characters are trapped in a space station orbiting a mysterious planet and struggling with their fading memories of loved ones. "Solaris" is not a thriller. Not an action movie. Alien's don't come from the menacing pink planet and Clooney does not "swing away" at any lame looking CGI green men. The film is smarter than that. As I said in my review, it is a drama that happens to be set in space and I loved every god dammed minute of it. "Solaris" had me entranced with it's ethereal tone, seamless editing, auspicious camera movement and Clooney, as a man dealing with his wife's death and bizarre return, strikes gold with every scene. A rewarding if polarizing work for film lovers and, sadly, few else.

12. Reign of Fire
 For those who hated this film (and there are many of you) I have one bit of advice: Don't go to a dragon movie and expect intelligent storytelling to unfold before you. This is a dragon movie! No apologies. One part "Mad Max" two parts "Dragon Heart" and all sweaty male swagger (ewe!!!) so besides being at the top of my guilty pleasure list, "Reign" is clearly the best dragon movie ever made. Never mind the fact that every other film in this genre has sucked, "Reign" zips by in a furry of unhinged action and wonderfully hammy acting by Christian Bale and Matthew McConaughey. Speaking of which, did anyone else catch the bizarre homosexual subtext between these two self hating gays who were so lost in each others Clint Eastwood-squintin' eyes that the two ever-shirtless thugs barley noticed their hot sidekick and, oh nothing, just those giant fire breathing lizards roaring through the sky and partyin' like it's 2045. Now, I must admit that I have no firm reason for why this film appealed to me so much. Maybe it was the kitschy premise. Maybe it was the fact that the film didn't take itself seriously. I could have just as easily hated the picture and just about the only thing that is certain to me is that McConaughey's final scene is one of the most funny, absurd, and jaw droppingly cheesy moments I think I've ever seen in a motion picture. In the scene McConaughey, that naked bongo champ, is playing a military grunt who vows to put an end to "the beast's" unholy reign over mankind and proceeds to goes head-to-head with a 100 foot papa dragon. That moment involves nothing more than a blue screen, a pick ax, a leap of faith and a half naked McConaughey bellowing out a hearty war cry. This already classic movie moment perfectly illustrates how the go-for-broke B-movie, and all the actors in it, checked their ego's at the door. Trashy cinema hasn't been this brilliant since "Tremors."

13. Too Many Great Foreign Films!
 No Man's Land, The Last Kiss, Monsoon Wedding, Lagaan, Read My Lips, Nine Queens
 2002 was perhaps the best year for foreign films since "Blue" "White" and "Red" came out in 94. The films listed above represent some of the most fan-fucking-tastic storytelling that us Yankees only wish we could have come up with-- and, not doubt, we'll rip off most of those films within the next five years. First up is last year's Oscar winner about two Serb and Bosnian soldiers stuck in a trench and forced to play out a microcosm of hatred. This fascinating satire (winner of last year's foreign film Oscar over "Amelie")  bears social implications so vast that I would remiss not to mention it. Then there was the Italian "Big Chill" only ten times better, a quaint and darkly funny meditation of thirty-something life called "The Last Kiss." And of course the genuinely heart warming and original film that should have posted My Big Fat Greek Wedding's numbers, "Monsoon Wedding" was a sincere treat while it's American counterpart was a mechanical lump of bakalava. But how about the Hitchcock-esq "Read My Lips," a French film where a deaf chick and swarthy criminal (Vincent Cassel) team up to rip off the  mob? That was one of the best hidden gems of the year, snatch it up at the video store when it comes out and, believe me you, you'll be thankful. And while I'm on the subject of heist films, there's that loquacious Spanish thriller called "Nine Queens." The title sounds like a sequel to "The Birdcage" but give this enormously entertaining movie a chance and you'll see fast talking grifters doing better Mamet impressions than Mamet did himself when he made "Heist" last year. And finally I must mention "Lagaan." What else can I say about the tour de force sports and politics tale? This sparkling Indian post-colonial fantasy proves that the epic verve of David Lean has not been lost to modern filmmaking. "Lagaan" has heart and soul and music... two things that were missing from last year's American films.

All these great offerings from cinemas around the world not only prove that foreign films are alive and well but they disprove the long held notion that there's nothing good out to rent.

14. One Hour Photo
Gutes gutes. Greg mag diese bewegliche Abbildung. Robin Williams, der aber nicht lustig ist, verbessern als lustig. Er ist ernster und trauriger Mann. Trauriger Mann in der Tat. Cy könnte verrückt und Mittel gewesen sein, aber Direktor Mark Romanik bildet ihn sympatisch. Cy ist ein wirklicher Mensch mit realen Problemen. Er ist nicht psycho 100%.

15. The Salton Sea
Mini review: The kind of film that was made to be discovered on the small screen, Salton Sea is a gritty detective drama about a ex-cop going undercover as a meth addict (and becomes one in the process) so he can find and punish those responsible for murdering his wife and ruining his life. First shot: We see a junkie playing a trumpet with a tear in his eye as the house he is sitting in is burning down. Amidst a fiery foreground the man tells us “As you can see I don’t have a lot of time left. You can decide who I am." Brilliant! This is how you start a movie. As this Nero inspired image sits in our heads we learn about this man's life and in the process, are taken to some of the most dark and memorable places of the year. The irreverent narrator goes on to tell us about speed freaks throughout time and we quickly learn through montages that the Japanese invented the killer drug before WWII and that, ha, “That’s why it took two bombs to get them to surrender. A nuclear blast is just a minor nuisance to a tweaker.” 
If "Auto Focus" took an unflinching look at sex addicts, this film explores the equally unexamined issue of methadone addiction. Val Kilmer, playing the undercover brotha and doomed narrator, gives a bravura performance as a man who has nothing to loose so he, well, goes and looses everything. I'm drawn to fatalistic antiheroes like this and like the great yet equally unnoticed drug addict film “Jesus' Son” we meet many more strange and wonderful characters--most notably Vincent Donofrio as Pooh Bear, a nasty drug dealer who lost his nose from snorting too much white stuff. Indeed, looking through the dilated eyes of the sad but determined Kilmer, the film introduces us to some truly gristly personalities. Guys that we are told a speed freak would embrace one moment and then the next day “wouldn’t walk across the street to piss on one of them if their heads were on fire.” So with quick and depraved dialogue like that coming at us  a mile a minute, consider "The Salton Sea" to be a modern version of Raymond Chandler crossed with the neo-noir writings of the great 90's crime novelist John Ridley. The genus of this film is that while these vampire like addicts say things like “I don’t mean to impose but I am the ocean,” they do so without making the material feel druggy movie weird (read: this is not "Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas" or "Wild at Heart"). In conclusion, I should mention that this is not some esoteric indie drama but great action movie that's abstract when it needs to be but totally accessible the rest of the time.
 Grade: A

16. Unfaithful
Mini review: Nice! The adds didn't give anything away. I admit it, I avoided this film like Aguleria avoid sweaters but when I finally took it for a test drive I was floored. This film should have sucked. It should have been that shitty yuppie thriller that "Fatal Attraction" was. And while the metaphors are a bit heavy handed (the stark inserts of a knife, two empty glasses, hands across brail etc. all representing pretty obvious things) this is an otherwise intelligent film. Lyme has directed "Unfaithful" with the brutishly sharp mentality of an American raised on European cinema. Far more than a Yuppie thriller this is a smart adult drama rooted in some profound issues and the best thing about this film is it's leisurely pacing. Themes of fidelity, trust, and forgiveness are all given their their time to mature and by the end resonate deeply. What I love abut this film is that its about a wife who cheats on her mate not because he's a bad husband but because she wants a good lay from the hot young French stud next door. And why can't female characters in the movies take that lascivious disposition more often? Accordingly, "Unfaithful" is a sort of postfeminist reversal of "Fatal Attractions" and Gear plays his role as a placidly kind husband and father with the subtle luster of an actor that's been totally underrated; the guy's been in two great films this year and will probably be been upstaged twice by his female co-stars when the Oscars roll around. That being said, Gear's quite magnitude was meant to be upstaged because actress Diane Lane, at 39, has finally hit her stride with this breakthrough role. She's brilliant here. This actress gives us a nuanced character whose actions allow for much heated debate. What's so involving about this film is how both parties end up lying but for different reasons; she is cheating on her husband and her husband comes to reveal a sin of his own and so we watch these dual layers of unfaithfulness play out with sweet apprehension. Lyne as a director just as Gear as an actor, has never been given his due credit. After this film I hope more of us take notice. 
Grade: A-

17. About A Boy
While "About a Boy" came out months ago it's still more memorable than just about every "serious" prestige picture that Hollywood has been pimping out this winter. Having read the book by Nick Hornby and being that I have an affinity for romantic comedies slanted towards men ("High Fidelity" 4-ever, yo) this film couldn't have come at a better time. My spirits were at an all-time low and along comes a film that not only made me smile when I saw it but made me want to smile after it was over. Hugh Grant finds the role of his career as an apathetic bachelor too afraid to grow up but forced to anyways in this miraculous little heart warmer.

18. Metropolis  
After writing about all these films I acquired writers block so I'm going to plagiarize myself. This film is "Brilliant and remarkable. Touching and beautiful. And for the Anime phobic, there's no better film to pop your cherry with." I was right, and the old-school new-school mix of animation styles remain to be the best this genre has ever had to offer. A elevated anime film full of eye-opening visuals and exciting ideas. 

19. About Schmidt
 As Livia from Sopranos once said, "It's all a big nothing."

As recent cutting edge directors go Alexander Payne is not as dark as Fincher, ironic as Jonze, moving as Anderson, funny as Smith or challenging as Labute but Payne's vision is worth backing if only because no other working director can made me feel this depressed despite the fact that I've been laughing at with his movie for two hours. For me, few writers other than Taylor and Payne have consistently and convincingly criticized American culture. From abortion comedy "Citizen Ruth" to the high school politics masterpiece "Election" to this film... sadly, this is America. With the arc of Jack’s character, Payne subtly gets his message of suburban American malaise across while never beating us over the head with it. The unsung old man themes really affected me and Jack hit this role of a miserable retiree out of the park. Similar to this years sci-fi drama “Solaris,” this is a film about grieving with loss, a film about how it’s impossible to fill the void left by things from out of our pasts. Our lives will always be incomplete and if you like the sound of that check out “Umberto D” a drab post-war Italian film about a lonely man and his hungry dog. At the end this film, when this character feebly laments his life while posing the pessimistic question of “what kind of difference have I made,” we feel we have seen a new side of Nicholson; a decidedly humble and low key effort that stands out in a year full of high-flying performances for men. While this is not as good as it gets, it is pretty damn close.  

20. MAX
 Mini review: If you've ever wondered what it was like to go on a double date with Adolph Hitler you now have the opportunity see. "Max" is a daring new movie that takes what was once an unapproachable historical figure and places him in a human interest story. Knowing what we know about the era of post WWI Germany and Hitler's reign, the implications of "Max" are huge but if you look closely at the film's discourse, it's actually a very small film.

This is one of the few films to come out last year that actually tried to engage it's audience in a dialogue. More than anything this a movie that exists to be talked about. And while the film ultimately fails in it's rickety narrative, it is ambitious enough to remember for this top twenty list.

The long standing notion that if Hitler would have become a painter, WWII would have been averted takes full force in this tale about a fledging artist (Hitler) and a fictional Jewish art dealer named Max Rothman (John Cusack) that takes him under his wing. The film is art savvy, spouting out artistic lingo and thrusting you into the Germany's explosive art milieu circa 1918. So, yes, this film is more about the connection between art and politics than politics period. If art reflects the society then what are to make of Hitler's "kitschy," "futurism" scribbles? There's a lot to consider here and this film should not be taken lightly. With that in mind I should mention that "Max" is more about Rothman than Hitler and if this is kept in mine the story does not suffer for being an "inadequate" study of Hitler (as that dick Ken Turnan contends) because this film is in no way a biography.

I appreciate that "Max" is totally unafraid to have characters sit down and talk about contemporary 1918 matters, so much so that if it wasn't for the gravity of Hitler's character one could mistake this from for a Steven Soderbergh period drama. Saying that just now got me thinking, though, because I feel my main fascination with "Max" is the following: what would I be saying about this film if Hitler's name was switched to something else? I feel must see "Max" again if only to try to detach myself from historical implications. Noah Taylor plays this future fuhrer as an exasperating close-minded ingrate (a dejected character quips that this unpleasant little creep "doesn't listen!") but within all his fanatically evil bravado there is an insecure child just starving for recognition, respect, or hell, just a bit of love would do. These are basic human needs that this film says were denied to Adolph because of the shattered state of a post war Germany. The Hitler of this movie a man made crazy by war but perhaps the film is saying this figure would have been crazy no matter what society he was born into-- there's only one solution as is see it... we must clone Hitler (now that would make for a great B-movie movie). Enter Cusack's Rothman, a character who could be read as Hitler's alter ego. Rothman is another war vet who, despite himself, feels great empathy and tries to bring this crazed artist back into the world of the sane... any guess as to whether he succeeds at making this Hitler kid normal?
My only problem with this film is that if its primarily about Cusack's Rothman it is too bad this armless art dealer doesn't seem fully available to us. Like Rothman's comment on Hitler's obtuse artistic style, Cusack's personality seems to be "holding something back" and director Menno Meyjes seems to be holding back even more as his muffled visual style and slightly conflicted messages do not make for a seamlessly told "what if" tale. The film is jagged and at times sloppy. At any rate, "Max" is still the kind of haunting and unsettling work that I will be thinking about and trying to figure out long after safe historical epics like "Gangs of New York" wins best picture. A great companion piece to Polanski's much more real "The Pianist."
Grade: A-

21. Wild Card Pick:
Star Wars: Episode II
I had a great time seeing this film in the theaters. It was dazzling, it felt unforgettable and the third act was so well orchestrated that I was actually reminded of how great I felt when I saw "Empire" and "Return of the Jeddi." Needless to say, this space opera would have been on my top ten if I hadn't been stupid and watched it again. That second viewing can only be co analogous to having a great night of wild sex only waking up the next mourning with a hangover only to realize that you've just slept with one of Jengo's clones. Point is this film sucks when you actually look carefully on the small screen (the dialogue, Anakin and Amadalia, it's all complete trash) but that doesn't detract from the fact that I thought I saw a great film in theaters.

22. Signs
Would have been on my top five if M Night wasn't such a sucker for making everything easy on us. Seriously, Night dropped the ball on this one. While his film is an amazing and brilliant directorial feat where dread surrounds the silence that consumes a small town family who find themselves in the middle of what may be an alien invasion, the film doesn't connect with any of that at the end. Although, if you do not look literally at that whole little green men aspect, "Signs" actually almost resembles a good movie if you take it as nothing other than a film about a man coping with a loss of faith. Call the film "You Can Count On Me(l)" if it makes liking it easier. And sure, I would have preferred a film that comments more on a nation of zombies who rely on media or I would have preferred the film to be about the nature of national hysteria or even a more puffed up alien invasion coda would have been better. All that aside, I still loved how this is a thriller that never really strays outside of this family's house. And I respect Night's choice to never back away from that. It's brave of him. That aspect makes for a great, claustrophobic time as we see what could be the end of the world through a few bumpkin's closed eyes. "See Graham, SEE!!!" his dead wife says... ha ha ha. Okay, so putting aside the notion that Night craps on all logic and reason by the end, the moments leading up to the last ten minutes are the stuff dreams, or rather, nightmares are made of.
 

The worst films of 2002 
"Pearl Harbor" Passes the torch to "XXX"
Let me start off by saying that in a year where I toiled over picking ten good films, I had more than enough candidates for the ones that sucked.

1. XXX

 Never before has an action hero given me the impression that he's doing us a favor by just by appearing in his own action movie. This is one of the only films I've ever seen where I was hating it half way through the opening credits. A deplorable miserable mishmash of action and empty male aggression contained into a box office friendly, PG-13 wad of deformed cinematic sperm. An R rating would have boosted this lost cause up to an F+ but nothing would have saved it from the laughable auspices of the man we call Vin Diesel. Fact is, the film earns a place on my ten worst just for that lame goatskin coat Vin "look at my coolness" Deasel's Xander Cage (woo, cool hero name) tots around like he's god's gift to extreme spyin'. Diesel, that smug jerk-off, finally lives up to his asinine name by playing a character that's so apathetically cool that he can phone in his coolnosity on his super cool spy cell phone. So in a year where I struggled to find truth and meaning in the movies (and came up virtually empty handed), the only sure thing in my book was that XXX is the worst film I've seen since "Pearl Harbor."

2. A Walk To Remember

 Appreciated by some, hated by me, "A Walk to Remember" represents what's wrong with serious teen films. The ragging insincerity and caviler disregard for tact mark a clear artistic digression from the glory days of "Say Anything" or, hell, even "She's All That." This is the film that may have single handedly proven that the worst teen of comedies ("Dude, Where's My Car") will never suck as hard as teen soap operas that try to shove a message down our throats. "Crazy/Beautiful" this film is not. Instead, "Walk" is film that defies rational relationship (or even human) logic and is void of any dramatic delicacy or compassion for human interaction. The robotically cute and clearly misguided MTV trained actor, Mandy Moore, jerks-off the extra tear from your fake plastic soul like an actress who has a fruitful career ahead of her. I'll take Britney loosing her virginity while singing bad Kerokie covers over a self-righteous and unconvincing Moore telling her boyfriend she has, gasp, leukemia and wants him to show her the, ah, world before she tricks him into, ooow, marrying her, which is right before the girl, wah, dies while looking, sigh, beautiful.

3. We Were Soldiers


It seems that in the foreseeable future, not a year will go by without a John Wayne bad war film rubbing aggressively false patriotism in our tired faces. Hollywood loves patting itself on the back for being patriotic so say good bye to to antiestablishment masterworks like "Three Kings" and hello to safe dreck like "We Were Soldiers," a smug drama that uses war to throw out melodramatic clichés like they were semi-auto rounds. But if you prefer your movie soldiers to whisper formula last words like "tell my wife I lover herrrrrr..." then welcome to the golden age... of crap. 

4. ET and Minority Report

 Yes ET. This is precisely the kind of overrated piece of blockbuster junk that has all but ruined Hollywood movies. Last year it was the popular children's film Shrek and this year its the most beloved American children's film but, folks, I have no problem with hollow entertainment for the masses. I just can't get past these kind of over hyped films pander to ignorant filmgoers by uses slight of hand to tricks that result in a fabricated emotions. Spielberg is the unrivaled master at dishing out emotional platitudes (unlike the genuinely talented storyteller Hayo Miasaki with his magical "Spirited Away," a film that made 1/1000 the profits of E fucking T). What compounds the awfulness of "ET" is that fact that the artistically soulless Spielberg went back and edited his film to be more politically correct by taking out guns and a line about Elliot "looking like a terrorist." So add all this up and you have my definitive reason why Spielberg is not now, nor will he ever be considered a worthy or consistent director. At the risk of sounding redundant, not only is "ET" the most overrated Children's films of all time but it is practically one of the worst  films of all time, period. Had the film, and not the re-release, come out this year for the fist time, ET would have phoned home right up to my number one spot.   

Speaking of artistically soulless, how about that "Minority Report?" While I was nice enough to give that film a C the thought of that disappointing film gets on my nerves with each passing day. Here is a film that has all the components of great escapism entertainment (gumshoe intrigue, big ideas, Kubrick's style crossed with a Hitchcock plot, gorgeous visuals, nice acting by Tom Cruse etc.) and pisses those virtues away for a more generic third act that panders to painfully deficient sci-fi melodrama that, of all things involve nothing but this futuristic fugitive's son (which was only put in the film to quench Spielberg's insatiable urge to show shirtless little boys) and a mondo lame who-dun-it. Hell, I've give away who the culprit is: Spielberg in all his hacky glory.

5. Spider Man

 Clunky and insipid big budget action films are a dime a dozen (hello, "Sum of All Fears"), but can be excused and so Spider Man's biggest sin is not it's quality but the fact that this is an entirely mediocre film that people thought was groundbreaking when, in actuality, it's not even watchable. I'm fully aware that I'm missing something because I tried to watch this verbose action-light Spidey adventure again and couldn't get through half of it. Talk, talk, talk. How could a film this dull and stilted make 400 million while a four hour movie about Indians playing cricket made no money whole being absolutely thrilling? More that than, how could the American public be duped into seeing this limp dick action trip more than once?
"Spider Man" is perhaps the most forgettable superhero film I've ever seen--and, oh yes my loyal readers, I saw "Mystery Men." What's sad is that, like "Minority Report" all the elements are present for a good flick; a respected auteur and Tim Burton-esq director, a well cast lead actor, a great rack on what's her name and a cool looking primary color pallet but, really, who cares about Peter Parker going to school, talking with his crusty guardians about painting the kitchen, looking for a job and trying to hook up with a chick that's into his rich friend. What is this, a Telemundo soap opera? Where's the action? I know this is a genesis superhero move but if "X-Men" could be entertaining with all those dull characters then this film's many follies are inexcusable. 
The question that the many fans of "Spider Man" should ask is why have I put this "average" film above genuinely bad fair like "Men in Black 2?" Well, it wasn't going on my top ten worst but then I recently watched "Wonder Boys." In that film, Toby Maguire plays an iconoclastic young writer named James Leer. Toby has a great scene where he's sitting all alone in a dark class room and during that scene all I could think of was that this is the work of a born actor that has now been lost to the Hollywood meat grinder. 

6. Crossroads

I'm not saying I didn't hate this film as much as Esther but, well, I didn't hate this film as much as Esther. Here's the thing; yes, "Crossroads" is as "insincere" a work of teen rompage as crap like "A Walk To Remember" and, yes, Spears is about as talented an a actress as Robo Mandy, Mariah Carry, and Aliah but everything comes together in this film to result in something so bad that I was rendered giddy. I was beside myself with rosy cheeked laughter. Seriously, I couldn't stop laughing and when I finally did, Britney went ahead and tried to act human again and got me started with the incessant laughing again. Can a film be this bad? Yes and no. While "Crossroads" is in every way F worthy, this film gets the slightly dubious "Battlefield Earth" award for being one of the few things this this year that I can honestly say I laughed at from start to finish. In all seriousness, if Spears came out tomorrow and said all the times I laughed were intentional on her part because "Crossroads" is, in fact, a parody of awful teen road trip movies then this film would edge out "Y Tu Mana Tambien" on my top ten as the best teen road trip movie of the year.

7. Blue Crush

Mini review: Next to "Crossroads," the most entertaining awful film released last year. I'm calling this film "Glitter" on a surfboard. The arrogance, the boasting, the chicks who think their the shit to such a degree that I actually agree with them, only I take that saying literally. They are the shit. Viewing this film, one wonders if the filmmakers and actors knew how silly the material was and comes to the conclusion that, no, they certainly didn't. Kate Bosworth plays a unknowingly conceited surfer girl who won't give up on her dream of, what, whoring herself out by fucking football players for money, being a ragging megalomaniac who needs to be the center of everybody's world, and exposing her orphaned sister to child abuse? All of that would have made for a great drama only this film is not profound in the least, it's a casual teen romp of a sports movie that annoys more than dazzles.
Grade: D-

8. The Sweetest Thing

No!

9. Star Trek Nemesis

Mini review: In a winter full of films that should be talked about the new episode in the "Star Trek" saga almost seems unworthy of careful rumination. I figure if the film is hasty enough to shove a muddled talk-athon in our faces then I have no obligation to write a full review on it. As you can probably tell, I am not a "Trek" fan. I’m a total fucking dork, so its not like I’m some hipster elitist (just check my Buffy section if you don’t believe how strange my tastes lie) but the "Star Trek" series has always seemed too wooden for its own good. I respect the fact that this is sci-fi that's more about ideas and “exploration” than the fantasy spectacle contained in the comparatively shallow “Star Wars” universe but I have consistently been left cold by the Trek world-- a series whose only vital signs shave been detected in the warm and cool "Enterprise." Fact is, this series needs air. Air that's put towards a good script and not being blown up our asses. While I do prefer the crew of the new enterprise to the Kirk era if only because the they are comprised of better actors, this film almost made me forget that. Patrick Stuart should get an honorary Oscar for being an actor who can do Macbeth yet will only be remembered for this role. So if I had to say something nice about this film it's that Stuart holds this movie up with the conviction of an actor who actually takes this crap seriously. So maybe Stuart isn't so much as a good actor as he is a senile one. That being said, it's sad that the plot involving his evil clone is so dreary and loquacious and void of any wonder or interesting ideas that the film was a clear choice as one of the ten worst films of the year.
The premise could have worked under different circumstances but turned out half baked…  Jean Luc Picard comes up against an angry and younger and, huh, gayer clone of himself; Romulins get in on the action; the clone hates earth; JLP tries to convince the evil, self hating gay clone that if there is goodness inside of him there should be goodness inside the clone; the evil, self hating gay clone gets angry at this and says if there is badness inside of him then there is badness inside JLP; Picard says "no way bro;" everyone goes back to their ships; more talking ensues; the clone gets the idea (thanks to a conniving bisexual alien buddy that seductively raps his hands and pelvic region around the clone’s shiny bald head… don’t ask) to destroy the world; Picard and co. say “no way we’z going to let you do that, yo;” the clone says in a raspy accent “fuck you yo, I hate everybody so I’m going to umm, blow up earth… um, yeah;” Picard says “Bring it on you mini-me fuck;” the evil, self hating gay clone says “oh yeah, well its already been brought;” everyone fights again, only in a pathetic way where ancient actors and a tame director think they're delivering high action when in actuality it looks more like Clint Eastwood's version of what high action should be (oh, wow, a slow motion action shot, that was cool... forty years ago); the two ships have yet another face off that, to some, feels like action but to me seems like two space ships doing absolutely nothing while facing each other (yawn); Picard and Data transport themselves onto the Clone’s cooler and meaner and more phallic looking ship; everyone fights some more which means Picard fights his clone (gay "slash" fiction imminent); lame director Stuart Bard ("US Marshals") thinks he's the Warshiski brothers and does more slow-mo action with, holy shit!!!, steam coming up out of the vents; Data dies to save the world but, wait, the crew picked up another data at the beginning of the film which, at this point, felt like began eight hours ago. And so ends a film that could have gone for interesting Sagan-esq ideas but instead went for "Nemesis." And so ends what also could be the very last "Star Trek: The Next Generation" to which I say “bon voyage." In the immortal words of Al Pacino from the classic movie called “Heat,” I have one final thought regarding this series: “Stop waiting my mother fucking time." 

10. The Time Machine

This is one for the ages. A film so forgettable that it's memorable. "The Time Machine" is all intro then all climax. No middle. A half finished mishmash of a sci-fi adventure. Director Simon Wells is so inept a filmmaker that he shouldn't even be allowed to animate films anymore. Though he gives good commentary, the guy is a pod, which is more than I can say about the film's main character played by a slumming Guy Pierce. Let's say that while Nancy Boy Wells was having one of his debilitating "exhaustion attracts" the Warsharski brothers directed an kick ass second act and that said second act lying in some vault. Even under those hypothetical circumstances the film would have made my ten worst because the second and third acts are that bad. After this film and "Count of Monte Cristo" Pierce better be hoping for "Memento 2: Leonard Makes Himself Believe That President Bush Killed His Wife And Goes After Him."

  1. XXX

  2. A Walk To Remember

  3. We Were Soldiers

  4. Minority Report/ ET

  5. Spider-Man

  6. Crossroads

  7. Blue Crush

  8. The Sweetest Thing

  9. Star Trek Nemesis

  10. The Time Machine

  11. Showtime and I Spy-- Murphy blew... twice!!

  12. The Scorpion King The Rock blew even harder.

  13. Ice Age--A glib and unoriginal computer animated dead zone. If this film gets the Animated Oscar I'm going postal.

  14. Rollerball --A pox on Chris Kline.

  15. American Psycho 2: Had it been released in theaters this F- film would have been the second worst film of the year. As is, this direct to video dreck is too insignificant to even waist a typing motion on so consider me writing forty or so words on it a huge deal.  

  16. Who is Cletis Tout? -- Self amused Tarantino knock off.

  17. Big Fat Liar-- Self amused "Home Alone" Knock off (not sure which is worse)

  18. Men In Black II-- Covers no new ground and doesn't even cover the old ground that well. What happened to you Barry?

  19. Bad Company and Collateral Damage -- A double dose of uninspired action slop.

  20. Rode to Perdition -- A pretentious Oscar wannabe that tries to be all things to all people and fails miserably. A well made  film with fine performances (that's why I gave it a B-) but an absolute letdown.

Fin

Once again, a big thank you goes out to all of you who sent something in. I really, truly appreciated everybody's input (esp. Esther... he he he). Another thank you goes out to all those who, after yet another year, can actually stand looking at this site for more than eleven seconds without loosing it. This has been Greg, last survivor of The Nostromo, signing off...

The bitter and the sweet... Winners in red runner up is directly below

Best Director 
Hayo Miasaki for his achievements in the film Spirited Away 
-PT Anderson Punch-Drunk Love
-David Fincher Panic Room
-Peter Jackson The Two Towers
-Roman Polanski The Pianist

Screenplay
PT Anderson Punch-Drunk Love
 -Chap Taylor and Michael Tolkin Changing Lanes
 -Charley Kaufman  Adaptation and Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
-Todd Haynes  Far From Heaven

Actor 
Adam Sandler PDL
- George Clooney Solaris
- Adrian Brody The Pianist
-Nicholas Cage Adaptation
- Robin Williams OHP Insomnia

Actress 
 Julian Moore Far From Heaven
 -Jodie Foster Panic Room
-Renee Zellweger Chicago

Supporting Actor 
 Nicholas Cage Adaptation
 -Viggo Mortensen The Two Towers
-Dennis Quaid Far From Heaven
-Andy Serkis Two Towers
 -Dennis Haysbert Far From Heaven

Supporting Actress 
Alyson Hanniagan Buffy Oh, why not?
-Meryl Streep Adaptation/The Hours
-Toni Collette About a Boy

Top Ten Moments of the year
 Nicholson crying at the end of About Schmidt. Maybe life doesn't suck.
 #2 That little piano thing (a harmonium) being violently delivered in Punch-Drunk Love.
#3 Golum's passionate argument with himself in The Two Towers (Iago meets Othello).
 #4 That scene in Spirited Away with the little girl and the mud monster in the bath house (not as perverse as it sounds.. um, maybe it is).
 #5 McConaughy going head to head with a dragon in Reign of Fire
 #6 The thrilling opening of Gangs of New York (and nothing else about that shoddy mess)
 #7 The last cricket match in Laagan (God must hate white people... can't blame him).
 #8 Solaris' ending.
 #9 Selma Blair bitching everybody out in The Sweetest Thing audio commentary (propa!)
 #10 Jodie Foster using the gas line from Panic Room/ Jack Black passing gas in the MTV Panic Room parody
#10.5 The syrup chugging scene from Super Troopers

Adapted Screenplay
Chris and Paul Weitz About a Boy

Production Design
Grant Major Lord of the Rings
 -Arthur Max Panic Room

Visual Effects
Richard Taylor Two Towers

Editing
Jim Haygood Panic Room
 -Michael Horton Two Towers
-Alfonso Cuarón Y Tu Mama...

Cinematography
Conrad Hall Jr. Panic Room
Conrad Hall Sr. Rode to Perdition  
-Y Tu Mama Tambien
 Andrew Lesnie Lord of the Rings

Score
Howard Shore Panic Room and Two Towers

Musical Arrangement
Punch-Drunk Love

Best Animated Film
 Spirited Away

Best CG Animated Film
 Ha, like such a thing as well made computer generated animated films exits.

Best Foreign Film
Yo Mama Too

Best Villain
 Evil Willow I don't care if this was on TV.
-Richard Gear One of the most human criminals of recent years... I wont say from which movie because that will spoil it.

Worst Villain (tie)
The Green Goblin, not only dumb looking but BORING.
 Then there's those Creature from the Black Lagoon looking mo-fo's from Signs. Allergic to water yet they land on a planet that 78% filled with the stuff and proceed to run around in the fog and stand under glasses of water. ID4 was more plausible.

Best Ending 
 Far From Heaven

Best Surprise Ending 
 Fraility

Best Opening
 Punch Drunk Love... still trying to figure it out but love it to death.

Winner for Best nudity
Maribel Verdu Y Tu Mama Tambien

Worst Nudity
Kathy Bates and Jack get nek-ed in About Schmidt

Best Mexican Standoff
Panic Room

The Esther Award for best homosexual subtext (not that there's anything wrong with that):
#1 Reign of Fire
#2 Lord of the Cock Rings: The Two Towers
#3 Star Trek: Nemesis
#4 Gangster No. 1
#5 Die Another Day

Movie that should have done better:
Fraility

Summer movie that should have done worse: Spider Man Come on people, that's one of the most boring action films ever made.

Summer movie that wasn't as bad as everybody says:
 Scooby Doo

Movie I was so embarrassed I liked that I didn't even review it:
Big Trouble

Movie I was so embarrassed I liked that I did review it but have been laughed at and ridiculed ever since:
Resident Evil (oh, come on Ravin, it's not that bad, you get to see Milla's snach, that's something, isn't it?)

 Why the fuck didn't anyone like
S1m0ne!? Seriously, that great film should have been a hit.

Movie that I came the closest to liking but couldn't for various socio-economic factors: Storytelling

Movies I should've seen but didn't cuz I'm retarded: 
Songs from the Second Floor, Russian Arc, and The Hot Chick (how dare I miss that last one). 

Movie that pissed the hell out me at first then grew on me later: Signs (kind of)
 Movie that pissed he hell out me at first then only grew worse: Minority Report

Best Line (tie)
 "To begin.. To begin... How to start? I'm hungry. I should get coffee. Coffee would help me think. Maybe I should write something first, then reward myself with coffee. Coffee and a muffin. So I need to establish the themes. Maybe a banana nut. That's a good muffin."     -Nick Cage in Adaptation.
Runner up: "Come on Hitler, I'll buy you a lemonade."
-John Cusack in Max.

Movie character I most closely resembled: Nicholas Cage's Charlie Kaufman (see above line cuz me mind verks like dat too). Folks, other than being bald, Jewish and fat that's me, except also, oh yeah, without the talent.

Funniest scene that nobody else laughed at as much as me
 That scene in The Two Towers where those dumb looking trees guys spilled the water on the tower and one them was on fire and manically doused his head in the flowing water. Why did I laugh so hard? I wish I knew but I'm even laughing now.

Best Cult Film
Death to Smoochy

Worst On-screen Relationship
 Spider Man (Toby and Kirsten)
 Star Wars II (Haden and Natalie)

Best reason to stay at home
 -The surprising amount of average winter films.
And even more surprising amount of crap released the rest of the year.

Best overacting
 Matthew McConaughey Reign of Fire

Best Underacting
 Adrian Brody The Pianist
 Robin Williams One Hour Photo

Best Unexpected Car Accident
 The two accidents in Punch-Drunk Love and Cooper's crash in Adaptation.

The Andrew Reiter Award for best Jason Lee moment 2001
 Lee, where are you?

Best Cameo
 All those in the first five minutes of Austin Powers 3.

Odd attractions
 Michelle Branch
That chick from the White Stripes
The Power Puff Girls (only two of them, though)
Legolas... he he, just kidding. No dude, serious, that was a joke. Don't look at me like that. Fuck you!

Best Trailer
Two Towers when combined with the Requiem for a Dream score 

Worst Trailer
Gangs of New York  

Misty eyed film of the year
 Far From Heaven

DVD Movies of the year:

  1. Lord of the Rings

  2. Mullholland Drive

  3. Waking Life

  4. Say Anything

  5. Gosford Park

  6. Moulin Rouge

  7. Blade 2

  8. Amelie

  9. Donnie Darko

  10. Sexy Beast

  11. The Royal Tenenbaumbs

  12. Pulp Fiction (good but where's the commentary?)

DVD of the year: TV

  1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer Seasons Two and Three

  2. Irresponsible Captain Tyler DVD box set

    3.

  3. 24 Season 1

    4.

  4. Mr. Show With Bob and David seasons one and two

  5. The Simpsons Season 2

Audio Commentaries of the year (in no order)

  • Julian Fellows and Gosford Park

  • Guillermo Del Torro Blade II

  • Cameron Crowe and wife in Vanilla Sky

  • Crowe, Cusack and Sky in the Say Anything commentary

  • Crowe and mom in the Almost Famous commentary.

  • Kevin Smith Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

  • Bob, David and co. Mr. Show

  • Mat Groaning and co. The Simpsons

  • Joss Whedon on "Innocence," Buffy

  • Selma Blair bitching everybody out in The Sweetest Thing commentary

  • Ridley Scott, and his always fascinating comments on Hannibal and Legend

  • Billy Bob, Berry and the director of Monster's Ball

  • Baz on Moulin Rouge

  • Billy Bob and the Cohen brothers for The Man Who Wasn't There

  • Both Ocean's 11 commentaries.

  • Tom Green commenting on his A+ masterpiece Freddy Got Fingered

The revised and final top ten films of 2000

  1. Mulholland Drive

  2. Sexy Beast

  3. Amelie/Moulin Rouge

  4. Memento

  5. Vanilla Sky

  6. The Royal Tenenbaumbs

  7. Black Hawk Down

  8. Waking Life

  9. Jay and Silent Bob...

  10. Gosford Park

The Shit List

The Jennifer Love Hewitt Worst Actress Award: Mandy Moore A Walk To Remember
 -Britney Spears Crossroads
Vin Diesel for being a ho in XXX

The Adam Sandler + Acting – Talent = Mistake Award (worst male):
Vin Diesel  XXX

The Al Pacino Worst Overacting of 2001 goes to: The whole Cast of We Were Soldiers...
The Rock from Scorpion King

So bad that I forgot she was hot award:
 Britney and Mandy

Worst Director
Rob Cohen XXX
Steven Spielberg Minority Report

Worst Editing
Chris Lebenzon, Joel Negron and Paul Rubell XXX

Worst Sequel
Men in Black II

Worst Title: Blue Crush
Best Title: Reign of Fire

Worst Screenplay
Rich Wilkes XXX
Randall Wallace We Were Soldiers After writing Pearl Harbor last year, Randall is in contention for worst screenwriter of the medium).

Worst DVD of the year
Lord of the Rings (the none special edition)
Panic Room (for not having a Fincher commentary) 

Worst Ending
 Signs

Worst Box office Hit: Spiderman
Why was it a hit?: My Big Fat Greek Wedding
 I'm glad it was a hit: Changing Lanes and One Hour Photo
Worst Critic Favorite: Gangs of New York

The Rene Russo award for nudity we really don't want to see award goes to: 
Kathy Bates About Schmidt... but, you know, all things considered Bates looks better naked than I though she would.

Biggest waist of a good cast's time:
 Gangs of New York

Greg's grade for the Paper Street Cinema website: C- (up last year from a D+)