Revised Year's Best Esther

1) Y Tu Mamá También. Just lovely. Gorgeousness on a stick. A coming-of-age film minus the clichés and the boredom, and more about sexual feelings rather than sexual initiation, which is a more mature way to approach these type of pictures.
2) Honorable Mention: Adaptation. It held up very well on my second viewing. And what more? I laughed my ass off at the same parts again. Charlie Kaufman is on a roll. I just hope Confessions of a Dangerous Mind doesn’t blow. Edited to add: It didn’t blow. ‘Twas good.
3) The Believer/ The Pianist (tie)
4) Chicago
5) The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
6) Punch-Drunk Love
7) The Hours
8) 8 Mile
9) About a Boy
10) Catch Me If You Can
11) Max

Honorable Mention: Good pictures that I really, really liked but didn’t quite make my Top Ten – 11) Catch Me If You Can; 12) Max; 13) Panic Room; 14) Minority Report (sorry Greg); 15) Possession; 16) Confessions of a Dangerous Mind; 17) Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets; 18) Unfaithful (though I’ve yet to see the last 15 minutes of it); 19) Changing Lanes; 20) The Bourne Identity/Gangs of New York 

TOP TEN PERFORMANCES OF THE YEAR

Best Performance of the Year: Adrien Brody, The Pianist; Ryan Gosling, The Believer (tie) 
And in no particular order…

Actress 

Most memorable scenes: 

  1. Max Rothman’s (John Cusack) nihilistic performance in his art gallery about the futility of war – using a human meat grinder to prove his point. From Max.
  2. Paul (Olivier Martinez) and Connie (Diane Lane) reading The Joy of Cooking in Braille as their fingers glide sensuously over the text. From Unfaithful.
  3. The Gollum fighting with his darker, inner self about his perfidious inclinations. From The Two Towers.
  4. Frank Abagnale’s (Leonardo DiCaprio) impersonation of his French substitute teacher so that he may get back at a bully. From Catch Me If You Can.
  5. Danny (Ryan Gosling) climbing a never-ending staircase only to find that his answers will never be there. From The Believer.
  6. Laura Brown’s (Julianne Moore) imagined suicide where her entire hotel room is flooded with weeds and swamp water – reminiscent of Virgina Woolf’s (Nicole Kidman) real-life suicide depicted earlier in the film. From The Hours.
  7. Wladislaw Spzilman (Adrien Brody) playing Chopin to a sympathetic German officer after living for years in starved silence. From The Pianist.
  8. Lena (Emily Watson) and Barry (Adam Sandler) meeting in Hawaii and kissing passionately among the rushing crowd in Punch-Drunk Love.
  9. All that Jazz. From Chicago.
  10. Jimmy (Eminem) going back to work at the factory after he realized that, even after winning the battle, you still have to make it on your own. From 8 Mile.

Slash categories (‘cause I like my TV and movies a little bit gay): 

Best slashy subtext in a movie: Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. Frodo/Samwise, Aragorn/Legolas, Gimli/Legolas, Yo mama/Legolas, etc. The list goes on and on and on.

Best Buffy slash pairing: Angel(us)/Spike

Funniest Buffy slash pairing: Xander/Andrew

Best Buffy slash love-triangle: Willow/Buffybot/Tara and Xander/Spike/Angel (tie)

Just plain sick Buffy slash pairing but I’ll read it anyway since I’m a perv: Buffy/Dawn

Real person slash that gets my motor revving: Eminem/Justin AKA as em!sync slash.

Most slashable actor: Jude Law

Slashiest shows on TV: Buffy, Angel and Smallville, of course. And Friends. But I’ll sooner kill myself in a meat grinder than read any Joey/Chandler fics, though I’m sure it would probably be funnier than the actual show.

Best slash pairing on TV: Unless you’re hiding under a freaking rock you should know that the Ho!Yay crown goes to Clark and Lex from Smallville. Duh.  

Slash= Gay subtext
Ho!Yay= homoeroticism yay.

More of THE BEST 

Best in Music: Eminem. I used to hate this guy and now I’m searching the Internet for Eminem slash and gay snuff porn involving him with Connor from Angel and Justin Timberlake. What happened? Simple. His music doesn’t suck anymore. I didn’t know why everyone was wetting their panties over all of that horrid Slim Shady stuff but his Eminem Show and 8 Mile stuff is fan-fucking-tastic, and I agree with Entertainment Weekly (or was it Time Magazine?) that “Lose Yourself” is the year’s best song. Instead of his boring and sarcastic rap (which I thought was a bit on the superficial side – yes, even “Stan”) Eminem is seemingly going back and exploring his roots with catchy lyrics and an interesting amalgamation of eclectic beats. 
 

Honorable mention: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer musical soundtrack. I didn’t like how they cut out some of the show’s dialogue since that season’s themes resonate more deeply with lines such as “The hardest thing in the word is to live in it.” And the suite from “Restless,” the best Buffy episode ever made, is just beautiful. 
 

Best TV show: Do I even need to say it? Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Season 7 is kicking all types of ass (quite literally) and giving us bloody-good hours of television like “Beneath You,” “Selfless,” and “Conversations with Dead People” that will shamefully never be recognized by those octogenarian Emmy voters.  
 

Honorable mention: Truth be told, I’m not overly impressed by Angel (but I like) this season and I’m optimistic it’s going to get much better in January and the show’s going to interesting places. I just love American Dreams on NBC (Edited to Add: Shut up, Greg! Stop your cackling!) and 24 is easily one of the most innovative and best-written shows on air right now. They need to give my boy Kiefer an Emmy. Monk is also very good, the few episodes I’ve seen at least.

Shows I like but was too embarrassed to mention it until now: The Practice and ER.

A show that’s not actually very good but I watch it because it’s the slashiest, trashiest thing out there: Slashville. Oooops! I mean, Smallville. Anything that Smallville has tried to do Buffy has only done 10 times better in the past. However, Buffy has never had the delicious Ho!Yay that is Clark and Lex and the Clex dynamic is the only thing this show’s got going for it. Look, I know that Clark and Lex will never (on the show, at least) consummate their obviously lusty feelings for each other but it certainly has some people in fandom asking “So when is Superman going to fuck the bald kid?” 

Best Novel: I actually took my head out of pages published before 1945 and actually read something published this year called The Lovely Bones, by Alice Sebold. Has probably one of the most memorable opening lines and the story is original and surprisingly sweet, considering the subject matter. 

And before 1945… Between the Acts, Virginia Woolf. There is just something about this novel that always makes me homesick, wherever I am. 

Best Web Site : Thank god for LiveJournal.com. The wittiest, funniest people of all different fandoms are on LJ and, boy, is this service addicting. (If you want to start your own livejournal, just email me at esther@faedra.com and I’ll send you a free activation code).  

…AND THE WORST 

Worst Music: J.Lo and “Jenny from the Block.” I never really hated Jennifer Lopez, was always indifferent about the popularity of her supposedly big ass, but I gotta say this: 

You are NOT Jenny from the block. You bought the fucking block, you self-righteous little bitch. The only difference, according to this song? "Used to have a little now I have a lot." How insulting to the people who actually never got to leave her crummy block. They certainly didn't get whole department stores to shut so that they could go on million-dollar shopping sprees. This song, along with Whitney Houston's little diddy that bemoans how the press is always on her back, is (partly) the reason why pop music sucks even more these days. "Artists" whose songs are written for their own warped self-interests, which only promotes the sickening amount of hubris that goes into all of these productions.” Don’t be fooled by the rocks that I got." Oh…jeezus, woman. Shut the fuck up. 
 

Honorable mention: Anything by Creed. Those pseudo-Christian douche-bags need to be seriously bludgeoned to death. (Edited to Add: Oh, good. Greg also put them on his list, meaning they don’t have to technically release anything in 2002 to be cited). I haven’t yet listened to Mariah Carey’s new musical abomination – Charmbracelet – but I’ll just assume that I’ll need to kill my radio and pick out my ear drums as soon as I hear the shrieking.

Biggest Disappointment: Tori Amos and Scarlet’s Walk. Remember when Tori used to be – I dunno – actually good? Her last three albums have sucked beyond belief (except for the B sides and live stuff on the To Venus and Back LP) and now she’s just a second-rate Michelle Branch with a pretty face. Was that too harsh?  
 

Worst TV show: The West Wing is virtually impossible to watch (sorry Jaime!) and lacks any original and/or compelling storylines. The characters are wooden and didactic and Aaron Sorkin’s writing is extremely overrated. 
 

Honorable mention: Friends. Had its moments but this season is so, so awful – and I wouldn’t like to see it go for another year but, admittedly, it was a good career move for all six friends to sign on for another overpriced season. Too bad Sarah Michelle Gellar won’t follow their example and will probably make more Shitty-Doo movies with that douche Freddie Prinze, Jr. Plus, I got this thing for Jennifer Aniston. So sue me. She’s hot. And this automatically saves it from being the worst of the worst. Edited to Add: How can I forget the horrible Third Watch? Did you see their September 11th show? Yuck. What is this show about? Firemen? Policemen? Ambulance drivers? Who the fuck knows. 

Worst Picture : Crossroads. Just horrible. And not for the kiddies, either! Britney’s debut will be remembered by her losing her virginity to a creepy, older guy (not that I, um, would know anything about that); a rape; a singing contest where gravel-voiced truck drivers throw money at Britney and her under aged girlfriends at a bar; and Britney’s acting that’s suppose to convince us that she would be a believable a) honor student and b) talented woman whose potential needs “discovering.” I’ve just realized that my best and worst films both revolve around a road-trip, and both are about growing-up, except that in Y tu Mamá También we’re spared the N’Sync soundtrack and Brit’s perpetual nipple hard-on. 

Edited to Add Honorable Mention: Queen of the Damned. Look. Anne Rice’s books can be played around with but not like this. Wonder what kind of crack was being smoked when this was adapted. 

Worst Novel : Ash Wednesday, by Ethan Hawke. A follow-up to his unimpressive debut, The Hottest State, this only goes to show that any piece of literary junk can get published if you have a famous name. Hawke should just stick to acting and directing and leave the writing to the writers. 
 

Worst web site : Well, not the worst site. Not the whole site, at least. But the Buffy recaps and boards at TelevisionWithoutPity.com are now a depressing place to be, where nearly all the posters kiss the pompous asses of those bitter and now unfunny moderators – Ace and Sep – in fear of getting banished. The mods obviously hate the show now but won’t resign their positions and give them over to people who would actually write funnier and truly snarkier recaps without sounding like a bunch of old cows who resent James Marsters’ popularity.

Top Ten Movies of 2002 by Ravin Soni

1. Two Towers (A) - duh. I wish I could give it 2-5 as well.  

2. Signs (A-) - only by default. this year sucked. but, up until Two Towers, it as my movie of the year, so i gotta stick with it. Would have been so much better without the fucking five minute water scene. 

3. Monsoon Wedding (A-) - Simply because I absolutely loved the last half of it. And I've realized P.K. Dubey (the wedding planner who cussed like a mofo) is da bomb. 

4. Y Tu Mama Tambien (B+) - The movie was pretty damn good till the end. And the bombshell they hit you with at the end pushes it up the charts. Probably the second most memorable move of the year. 

5. Brotherhood of the Wolf (B+)- This movie reeked of French fantasy and I fucking loved it. I know, most hated it. But this one blew me away. I was so enthralled by it. The second best adventure film of the year.  

6. S1m0ne (B+) - I loved this movie when i saw it. Al was the bomb. Might go higher if it wasnt released so long ago.  

7. Panic Room (B+) - Not much to this movie, other than it was just good. As far as suspence movies go for 2002, this one really sticks out. 

8. The Ring (B+) - Simply cuz its one of the best horror movies I've seen. Very well done, very enjoyable, and great freak out factor. Gets extra props for making probably the most ridiculous story line of the year seem cool (A dead little girl who kills ppl for no apparent reason, please!) 

9. Minority Report (B) - Two and a half fucking hours, and I loved every moment of it. Best action movie of the year. Tom's the man. That, and I loved the idea behind it, it really evokes philosophical thoughts about the rule of law and societal control. This one's just for you greg. 

10. Changing Lanes (B) - Sadly enough, this is one of the more thought provoking films of the year. I loved the whole premise of two characters who both played hero and villian at the same time. You don't root for them, nor do you root against them, and yet, u get really involved in their intertwined fates. terrific. 

Notable Mentions (a.k.a Movies I Enjoyed)

25th Hour (B)

The Good Girl (B)

Star Wars, Episode 2 (B)

Blade 2 (B)

The Bourne Identity (B)

Unfaithful (B)

The Count of Monte Cristo (B)

Harry Potter (B-)

Dragonfly (B)

Enigma (B)

Lagaan (would be number 2, but I saw this movie in 2001) (A) 
 

Ten Worst Films of 2002 

1. Spiderman (D) - I hated this movie more each day. Its ten times worse the second time you see it. I hate it even more for making 400 million and for killing Tobey Maguire's good career. 

2. Swimfan (F) - This garbage at its max. I mean this movie is pure shit. There is NOTHING redeeming about this film. It's Romeo and Juliet bad. Even the teeny bopper chick is ugly, and she doesnt fucking get naked. 

3. Resident Evil (F) - Webster's 2003 dictionary is gonna carry a picture of this movie next to the definition of stupid. There is nothing good about this film. I want my fucking money back. 

4. Enough (F) - more crap. It's good that jennifer is hot. other than that, theres nothing to it. it's like they took a story i've already seen and am tired of, and decided to do everything possible to make it worse. they sure succeeded. Jennifer needs to go back to welfare. 

5. Spirited Away (F) - The most boring movie of the year. how dumb. this movie shouldnt be watched by anyone older than five. Nickelodeon's worst crap would laugh at this piece of shit. 

6. The Transporter (D) - Turkish needs to go back to Guy Ritchie movies. This was pathetic. at least the asian chick had a nice body. 

7. Die Another Day (C-) - This probably doesnt deserve to be here, but man, it let me down big time. It's a fucking Bond movie for god sakes! This one makes the Dalton movies look like Godfather quality. Brosnan should get a mulligan. 

8. Men In Black 2 (D+)- What the fuck? a talking dog barking to Who Let The Dogs Out? shit, thats desperate. I got one word for the makers - Jail. and throw away the key. 

9. Showtime (C-) - Bob, what the fuck are u doing? This garbage and Analyze That, this is all u have to show for 2002? Eddie, retire. 

10. XXX/ Half Past Dead (F/F) - I didnt see either film, but the thought of seeing any one of them makes me puke. I couldnt make a worst list without at least mentioning these two. some ppl just shouldnt make movies. Go away Vin Diesel. Please Retire Seigal. U suck Ja Rule. 

The Rest 

John Q (B-)

40 Days and 40 Nights (C-)

My Big Fat Greek Wedding (C+)

Red Dragon (C)

8 Mile (B-)

Auto-Focus (B-) 

The Best films of the year by Chris Petersen

1.  The Two Towers
2.  Star Wars
3.  Harry Potter II
4.  Signs
5.  Panic Room
6.  The Ring
7.  The Bourne Identity
8.  Austin Powers III
9.  Big Fat Greek Wedding
10.  Blade II

While most top ten's start with number ten, I find it's easier to justify these going from top down.  The Two Towers was a pretty easy pick for me--it wins primarily because I watched all three hours twice in the theater and was never bored either time.  A great movie, and proof that a LOTR movie can be made as a complete stand alone film, while still being part of a larger story.  Star Wars I just felt was better than everything else (which I saw three times in the theater), just not as good as the Two Towers.  Harry Potter gets number three for being what I felt was a complete experience, with a good story, believable characters, and visually stunning.  That and I really liked it when Snape lit up Kenneth Branagh.  Signs was another original film from Shamalan, however for being very close his other two in style and feel, it did not score as high as it might have.  Panic Room was a solid suspense flick, though it was schizophrenic--what I would call a dark comedy for the first hour and then transitioning back to serious suspense.  Conflict = lower score.   The Ring kept my grommet puckered for two hours straight.  Stylistically it scored an A, however there were some serious holes in the plot so it got dropped a little.  Greg will atest to my weakness for Euro action movies (i.e. Ronin), so The Bourne Identity's cool look and adequate action sequences earned it a spot on this year's list (if it were any other year...).    Austin Powers III gets merit points for improving on the second movie considerably and making me laugh more than twice (In large part to the Mini-me Tripod Scene).  Much to Greg's dismay, I did enjoy My Big Fat Greek Wedding simply because it was a movie that went back to the basics and proved that $5mil movies could be funny and sucessful.  Finally, what list would not be complete without Blade II.  It wins recognition for simply be bad ass, and Blade as usual.  These movies have become a favorite of mine, even more so after watching the director's commentary where he so eloquently reduces the lead vampire by saying "that fucker looks like Michael Bolton."